Many Evangelical Christians claim to hear the voice of God . Apparently God speaks to them directly. Paradoxically, they look to science to lend support for their claims. The relatively recent science of Neurotheology almost has it right with the suggestion that humans are hardwired for religion. I’d like to suggest that we take this idea one step further as I believe I have just figured out how God is able to speak to Evangelicals. He does it through a wireless network! I can’t believe that someone hasn’t already figured this out. Why would God fool around with hard wiring when he’s got wireless capability? My theory goes something like this:

You see, humans are all born with a wireless receiver in the brain. And you thought wireless internet was new. It’s not. It is just a recent application of an old technology that was invented by God 6000 years ago. When Evangelicals say that we are all children of God, what they really mean is that we’re all part of God’s Wireless Network.. In this wireless network, churches are God’s hot spots. Does that not explain why Evangelicals congregate at churches to hear God’s word on Sunday mornings? And, it becomes glaringly obvious that speaking in tongues is simply Evangelists mimicking God’s voice when they hear him garbling through 128-bit encryption.

It all makes sense now, doesn’t it? Is this not beautiful in its simplicity?

Now, some of you might be wondering, if we all have a wireless receiver in our brains through which God can communicate with us directly, how come some of us have ended up as Atheists? How come some of us never hear God’s voice? Has God cast us out into the hinterlands? Has he disowned some of his children? There’s a very simple explanation. For some unknown reason, considering God is omnipotent, some of us may have the wrong MAC address for our wireless receivers which doesn’t allow him to connect to us. It could have been a simple typing error when he initially set up our wireless receivers. Perhaps God was distracted when he was keying in the numbers. Maybe he had smiting on his mind at the time. What this means is that an incorrect wireless setup causes one to be an Atheist. Taking this one step further, we can conclude that, ultimately, God created Atheists. Thanks God!

You might be wondering what proof I have for any of this. Where is the scientific evidence? Is my theory testable? Well, I have to admit that I’ve yet to actually test the theory so I have no real proof. I have been thinking about it though. Perhaps I’ll drive over to the nearest church hot spot with a wireless laptop some Sunday morning and do some testing. I’m thinking that the parking lot should be close enough to pick up the signal from the sky. Until then you’ll have take my theory on faith.